The Practice of Letting Go

One of the hardest lessons I have ever had to learn, and still continue to learn, is letting go.  Letting go, is hard for people like me.  I love hard, I hug hard, I laugh hard, I cry hard. I protect the people and things I love fiercely.  But at what point does that protection, become smothering?  At what point does holding on, start to twist and bend the thing into something it shouldn’t be?  The answer is… more often than you think.

As much as some of us don’t want to hear it, holding on can be the worst part of loving something.  The effort it takes to keep things near can not only exhaust us, it can change the dynamic between people, places and things and often times end in a corruption of happiness and security.  We resist change and at times that can mean holding on to people, places, and things that simply do not serve us anymore, or worse, stunt the growth of the ones we love the most.  It’s a hard pill to swallow.  But it’s true.

Let me mention, that by letting go, I do not mean abandoning.  I do not mean forgetting, nor do I mean leaving alone.  Quite the opposite actually.  Letting go is the practice of loving so much, and caring so deeply, that we choose to trust the connection that is neither seen nor heard.  Letting go is saying, “I see you universe, and I know you have a plan and I know it’s my time to get out of the way”. Letting go is trusting the connection is there, not in the physical form, but the invisible rope that tethers us to the people, places and things that make us the best versions of ourselves.  Letting go is the act of stopping trying to force, or coerce.  It is accepting where we currently are, as well as knowing we can get anywhere we want to go.  It is stepping away from fear centered being. It is stepping away from a sense of lack.  It is surrendering to that thing that connects all of us.

When we are able to let go, the sense of calm and peace it brings can be alarming, especially for those who are high strung and anxious.  The first time I looked at my children and I realized that their journey was that of their own, that no matter how hard I held on or grasped to make them happy, that their happiness was something that will always need to be achieved within themselves, I felt this immense sense of relief wash over me.  Not because I don’t worry about their happiness or don’t want to be responsible for it, but because I knew whole heartedly in that moment that their happiness and contentment could not be forced.  Nor can anyone else’s.  Money, toys, phones; these are things that can only bring quick and brief episodes of happiness. They are fleeting.  That two seconds, or two hours of a dopamine hit when you get a lot of likes, or distract yourself for a few hours… it isn’t really real. It doesn’t last. Just like those external things cannot bring a person true happiness, nor will my external force.  It just doesn’t work that way. Life… just doesn’t work that way.

Letting go, it helps you somehow build trust in yourself, in others, and even in the universe. Think of it in the way that letting go is a practice.  It’s never a destination, but a never-ending journey that takes work and consistency.  But soon you start to understand why the practice is needed. If you don’tlearn, then bitterness, sadness, worry and even anger, can take over your whole life.  Some days I am great at it. Other days I fail miserably.  But I keep actively work on it, because the love and peace that it brings to my life is unexplainable on the days I get it right. My heart lifts.  My spirit feels connected to everything around me.  When I get it right, letting go feels like love, acceptance, faith in a higher power and a deep connection to all around me.  

When in your life did you have a hard time letting go?  Did it involve your kids, a spouse? Was it holding onto someone or some place- that no longer served you?  How did it make you feel to be stuck holding on?  If you still can’t let go, why? If you did let go, what helped you get there?  I would love to hear your stories and struggles around letting go on my Instagram page, @thisishowwegothroughit

Until next time, here’s to the practice of letting go.

Love, Nikki